COUPLE CONNECTION (for couples, friendships, marriage coaching and other significant relationships)
Wherever you find yourself in life with all of its ups and downs, its successes and losses, its stresses, uncertainties and surprises, the presence of significant relationships can be a tremendous source of support and encouragement.
Across the miles and across the centuries, for years individuals had the support, not only of a spouse or ‘significant other’, but also the support of a local clan, village or neighbourhood.
More and more we find ourselves either in larger urban centers or in smaller communities where there is a feeling of anonymity, alienation and aloneness. Traditional support structures may have become severely weakened or wiped out altogether.
Having that one significant other in your life can be VERY key to helping you feel fulfilled, content, loved, accepted, hopeful and purposeful.
But what if that is compromised as somehow you find your relationship crumbling, the fervor of love weakening, arguments and discord increasing and the fear of that relationship completely failing in the near future?
All too often when people find themselves ‘not getting along’, arguing, in discord....what is happening is what I term “the silhouette conflict”. In other words, due to past negative events the landscape of each one’s personal journey often includes:
a) general hurtful stories and events from childhood onwards
b) stories and events that have fed into our feelings of loneliness and isolation
c) stories and events that have eroded our trust in others
d) stories and events that have contributed to our feelings of low self-esteem
e) stories and events that have fed into our fear of abandonment and fear of rejection
Due to the above, when a couple is in conflict, what is in effect often happening is ‘buttons are pushed’ or old feelings are triggered and the individuals find themselves feeling discouraged, helpless and confused in their pursuit of a peaceful relationship. The ‘silhouette conflict’ is the conflict, not so much of the two individuals engaged in the current dispute, but more so of old hurts (the shadow or silhouette lurking beneath; the person’s hidden hurts etc.) where one individual can trigger the old hurts of the other.
Couple Connection involves:
- one or more EFT sessions individually so as to address a) to e) above. This is usually rapid and effective. When you can soften/collapse the intensity of your own past hurts (your silhouette), your chances of being triggered and drawn into unhelpful conflict can be immensely reduced, opening up the channels for peace, constructive discussion, hope and resolution.
- when both are ready, one or more joint EFT sessions with both of you and myself.
If you have ever found yourself in this confusing predicament, why not consider how Emotional Freedom Techniques can help you find peace and integration? Call me for info or for an appointment and I would be happy to speak with you.
6/30/2008
6/24/2008
The Struggle Within: Self esteem
Why can I not find peace with myself? Why can I not love myself? Why can I not forgive myself? Some reflections....
Without a doubt, among the core issues facing each and every client I meet is the inability to love oneself completely. Currently in our world and in our society, the effort to find and maintain personal wellness is becoming more challenging. With stress from our physical environment, our social environment, broken families, past hurts and given a host of other factors, finding true wellness seems so elusive to so many.
Yet deep below the layers of emotional and physical unwellness lies, in my opinion, the greatest ‘struggle’ of all ..... the war within. It is my firm and clear belief, after years of working to help people find wellness, that true and deep healing on all levels is significantly affected by what degree one loves oneself. Inner self-rejection is an insidious and powerful poison that inhibits true and deep healing. On the other hand, the more someone embraces oneself completely, the more he/she will enjoy profound levels of peace, integration and healing. In other words, the deepest, most rewarding and profound healing is felt when one truly embraces oneself with full acceptance and love.
But why in the world is this struggle so difficult to resolve? Why do we find it so easy to judge ourselves, to find ourselves at fault for everything, to 'beat ourselves up'? Inside many of us is a merciless judge who is always on the job....nitpicking and relentless, but always on the job. And despite the fact that many people feel they fail at so much, the one thing they excel at is self-incrimination! And so....many walk around each day, interacting with their environment and with others, all the while breathing in a type of toxic gas......a gas of unworthiness......a sense that 'there is something wrong with me'. One becomes, at the same time, both the aggressor and the victim, both living and acting within. This prison of loneliness
is, perhaps, one of the deepest forms (if not THE deepest form) of suffering.
We are not born with a sense of low self-esteem, self-incrimination and self 'beating up'. Along the path of life's journey, negative foundational stories impact us in such a way that we begin to develop a belief system that incorporates the faulty notion that 'something is wrong with me'. It could be a story of shame or a story of neglect. It could be an experience of rejection, bullying or abuse. Time and time again I have witnessed in my clients the impact that even one simple event from years ago has been very impacting.
Whatever the cause, Emotional Freedom Techniques is a superb technique that works rapidly and effectively on various fronts. I have helped many many clients, employing EFT to quickly address (release) unresolved emotions and to help re-frame the original experience. It is truly an amazing and heart-warming experience for me to help facilitate this healing process! It is even more amazing for the client to begin to quickly experience the utter joy, peace and comfort of 'loving the self' within, perhaps for the first time they can remember. Using EFT I can help you understand that 'there is nothing wrong with you' only the perception you have learned about yourself.
Love, peace, forgiveness, gratitude....all possible!!
Without a doubt, among the core issues facing each and every client I meet is the inability to love oneself completely. Currently in our world and in our society, the effort to find and maintain personal wellness is becoming more challenging. With stress from our physical environment, our social environment, broken families, past hurts and given a host of other factors, finding true wellness seems so elusive to so many.
Yet deep below the layers of emotional and physical unwellness lies, in my opinion, the greatest ‘struggle’ of all ..... the war within. It is my firm and clear belief, after years of working to help people find wellness, that true and deep healing on all levels is significantly affected by what degree one loves oneself. Inner self-rejection is an insidious and powerful poison that inhibits true and deep healing. On the other hand, the more someone embraces oneself completely, the more he/she will enjoy profound levels of peace, integration and healing. In other words, the deepest, most rewarding and profound healing is felt when one truly embraces oneself with full acceptance and love.
But why in the world is this struggle so difficult to resolve? Why do we find it so easy to judge ourselves, to find ourselves at fault for everything, to 'beat ourselves up'? Inside many of us is a merciless judge who is always on the job....nitpicking and relentless, but always on the job. And despite the fact that many people feel they fail at so much, the one thing they excel at is self-incrimination! And so....many walk around each day, interacting with their environment and with others, all the while breathing in a type of toxic gas......a gas of unworthiness......a sense that 'there is something wrong with me'. One becomes, at the same time, both the aggressor and the victim, both living and acting within. This prison of loneliness
is, perhaps, one of the deepest forms (if not THE deepest form) of suffering.
We are not born with a sense of low self-esteem, self-incrimination and self 'beating up'. Along the path of life's journey, negative foundational stories impact us in such a way that we begin to develop a belief system that incorporates the faulty notion that 'something is wrong with me'. It could be a story of shame or a story of neglect. It could be an experience of rejection, bullying or abuse. Time and time again I have witnessed in my clients the impact that even one simple event from years ago has been very impacting.
Whatever the cause, Emotional Freedom Techniques is a superb technique that works rapidly and effectively on various fronts. I have helped many many clients, employing EFT to quickly address (release) unresolved emotions and to help re-frame the original experience. It is truly an amazing and heart-warming experience for me to help facilitate this healing process! It is even more amazing for the client to begin to quickly experience the utter joy, peace and comfort of 'loving the self' within, perhaps for the first time they can remember. Using EFT I can help you understand that 'there is nothing wrong with you' only the perception you have learned about yourself.
Love, peace, forgiveness, gratitude....all possible!!
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